“This is not what it looks like. I am not on my phone! Well, I was, but it is not what you think …”
A notification popped up, I saw my fingers moving up and before I knew it, it was too late and I had swiped it down to text messages. From a quick response to next… I stopped when I realized someone was over my shoulder.
Oh, that’s a detention.
***
I was reading few articles and listening to podcasts on how to write a book and needed to take notes. I quickly grabbed the kids’ old composition book and started writing.
[The composition books the teacher required at the beginning of the class, but things shifted, and they only wrote on 10 pages. But now the notebook is not new, so your kid won’t use it again. Those are the ones I stash in the corner to grab and scribble quick notes, reminders, grocery list, etc.]
After scribbling, I went back to see whose notebook I had stashed and which class. And it was my youngest and he had only written on 5–10 pages, a few lines on each. Above story was one of his 10-minute journal entries in Writing Strategies class.
Taking kid’s school assignment and turning it into a blog post
I decided to make his journal entry my next story because I am amazed at how well he illustrated the phone attraction.
[I don’t think he got detention, because there was no phone call. I didn’t even get a teacher’s email. It was probably a warning. However, if his dad had received that call, he would be in deeper hole than a detention]
What is with kids and their phones?
Everywhere you go, you see a child buried in a phone. They have no clue what is happening around them. They are so fixated with what is on the screen.
It was my son’s thirteenth birthday and we took his friends to a bowling alley. Kids helped each other enter their names and find the right sized ball. The employee helped them with shoes. Once the game started rolling, I was shocked to turn around and see all the preteens sitting on their phones at the last booth. I watched them for a few minutes, then a boy got up, rolled his turn, and went back to the booth playing on his phone. They are at the bowling alley, an interactive game, with 10 other boys.
Just last weekend, my son had invited a friend over, basically so they could play with each other on their phones. They could have done that from their own houses. Thankfully, I was able to push them outside to play soccer.
I was substituting at a local school, where kids were walking like robots because they were so busy texting and surfing on the phone while walking in the hallways to their next class.
Every notification pulls these kids (and adults) back to the gadget.
There are so many medical and mental issues regarding that, but I am so concerned with their social learning and safety.
We repeatedly remind our kids to not be on their phone and airpods when walking around the neighborhood or grocery stores. They need to know what is happening around them. I hope our teens practice safe driving and put their phones down.
I can see their comfort in communicating via text and email, rather than calling. They are going to need verbal skills to communicate in higher education and the workforce. I am trying to combat that by forcing them to speak when ordering food, seeking customer service, picking up prescriptions, rescheduling with a tutor, etc. Our teen has to go for an oil change on his own; that was a $300 learning curve for both of us.
Why did I give them phone in first place?
You may ask me… if I had an issue with phones, then why did I hand the gadget to my boys so easily? I honestly only gave it to my children when I felt they needed it. They were moving from a reasonably sized, well-disciplined campus to a 2,000 student madhouse. Our junior high is one of the largest in the nation, and it is not possible to supervise every corner (though they do have hall monitors). Anyhow, my 7th grade experience wasn’t the greatest and I wanted my boys to have a phone to get intouch with me whenever they needed me.
And I did get calls when the teacher didn’t think the headache was worth a nurse trip. Or kids’ bullying wasn’t addressed. There was no time between classes to whine about forgotten lunch bags or homework. Staying later to seek tutoring. Or my favorite, “I missed the bus.”
“I had enough and I want to leave now.”
Those are the calls I dread but never ignore. That is why I gave them the phone so if they needed me, they could reach me, without justifying it to the teacher.
When we handed each of our boys phones as they walked into junior high, my husband had already read all about parental controls, and blocked it all. At first, now a 16 year old, only had access to phone, email, and google doc. He was slowly able to convince his dad that he needed a search engine to upload the school course management system.
Year or two later, we added a game. “Everyone is playing during lunch and I look like a fool.” That is not what won my vote. If my child wasn’t looking at his phone, he was looking at someone else’s. I was never prepared for what my child has access to on another student’s phone. That was horrifying.
It was a learning opportunity to set rules for social media and basic etiquette of using a phone. We had lots of conversations on not friending strangers, using appropriate words and pictures online, and notifying us when something lands on their phone before a teacher calls.
Basic etiquettes when owning a phone.
What we remind our teenage boys constantly.
- Be kind on phone. Words hurt so be very careful with what you post. You can’t take your words back or deny that you wrote them.
- When someone is talking to you in-person, you turn off your phone and make eye contact.
- Be mindful of accepting calls in public.
- No posting faces on social media. Only vague pictures.
- Don’t post other people’s pictures on social media without their permission.
- You return a missed call and text, especially if your mom has called 5 times.
- What you post online, it stays online forever. Anybody can have access to what is on your phone so be very mindful.
- Nothing gets deleted, because you are probably deleting a conversation or search history that is not appropriate in first place.
- Phone is a privilege, and it can be taken away anytime. And it can be inspected anytime.
- Never leave your phone unattended. And please don’t loose your AirPods again.
- Turn off Bluetooth in public or DO NOT accept airdrops from people you do not know. What ends up in your phone, is your responsibility.
- Never turn off your location. I need to know where you are.
- When in group, please communicate face-to-face, instead of texting.
- Keep your phone charged so I can reach you.
- Limit screen time; get off your phone and interact with your environment. Find something to do.
There are so many positives, and we can’t let the negatives ruin the privilege for everyone. #1 tip I tell my kids is that it is a privilege, we pay for it, and we can take it back anytime. The purpose for the phone was so I can reach you and you can reach me, so be prepared for consequences if your phone runs out of battery because you played on it for too long.
