Every one of us wants to strive to be better. We hunger for appreciation and success (whatever that means to you). We count our accomplishments with work we have done. But, what if all you do is clean, cook, and run errands. Every day. All day. And by the end of the day, you are mocked for laying on the couch, watching Netflix.
It gets dark fairly quickly. You are left to question yourself and your worth. Sporadically, I have occasions where I assess myself and downplay all I have DONE that particular day. All the stuff that I have tackled, that nobody else is willing to do. Day after day, I found myself questing for more.
One day, some day after the pandemic, I noticed how my teen boys were on autopilot. They didn’t need me to do things for them, and more importantly, if I didn’t do the things that they wanted, it didn’t matter to them. They rather not have me nag over cleaning their room or doing their homework. So, I did what a cousin told me years ago… invest my time in things I do enjoy.
Instead of waiting for kids to be more independent, and you feeling “not wanted,” start planting seeds for the future today. You should have an outlet to self-grow and try new activities. And that is how I justified the biggest purchase I made for myself when I ordered a Silhouette cutting machine about four years ago. I enjoyed crafting and creating new vinyl products.
Nevertheless, my heart was missing a piece. I was finding myself feeling empty and I could no longer mask it with social gatherings and binge watching. Day after day, I kept making excuses to enjoy a quiet moment. I kept analyzing what I can do for myself, but was unable to find answers. Then, it dawned on me that if I wanted to step out of this misery, I had to do it myself. No one was coming to hold my hand and open the door. Or even a window so I could breathe some fresh air. Clearly, people around me would have noticed a drop in my energy, or maybe they didn’t care to pay attention. Or I wasn’t important enough. Thus, if I wanted to change something, I had to stop depending on others to lend a hand or an ear.
Soon after the pandemic ended and things were returning to normal, I started substituting at local schools so I could earn, only to buy more crafting tools. I switched gears and tried drawing. I enjoyed the peace that came with sketching and filling the piece with multiple hues. I even started writing about how my sketches had a bigger message. And that is when I took the plunge to discover a better me, a me that was more than a stay-at-home mom or a 24/7 concierge representative.
If I wanted a change, it would have to start with me. I brainstormed hobbies and bucket lists for days, weeks, months. And finally discovered that writing would give me a voice that would fill my soul. I already had a platform and I just needed to give it a new life. I began working on my blog and social media: investing time to write more consistently. And now that I have found more platforms to share my voice, why not try it? If I didn’t try, I wouldn’t know how far I can reach. To carry my own weight tomorrow, I cannot wait for an opportunity, I have to go looking for it myself.
